The Hem of His Garment

I have been blessed in that I am not really one to get sick often. I've never had major health issues, and neither has anyone really close to me. I've never had to deal with serious infirmity before. So when I read my bible and see Jesus healing people- people who were blind, crippled, lame- I can't think outside of my limited experience. I am amazed at Jesus' power, touched by His tenderness, and in awe of His love. I've prayed healing for others many times. I've even seen the lame walk with my own eyes. Still, it's never happened to me. 

That is until recently. I have endured some of the worst pain I've ever felt. I had a constant migraine for a week, which migrated to my neck and upper back. Every time I took a step it felt like someone was punching me in the back, knocking the wind out of me. All of this plus my type A personality does not mesh very well. I hate missing work, I hate missing church, I HATE laying around feeling useless all day. The most physical activity I could do without major pain is walking a mile in my neighborhood. I was so terribly bored. I cleaned my room (relatively speaking,) watched movies, read, did homework, went on Pinterest, napped and took walks. All of these probably more than once. I went onto Web MD and entered my symptoms (bad choice.) My thoughts were a mix of: "FIBROMYALGIA?!" "No, no. There's no way that's it." "SPINAL MENINGITIS! Oh, that sound's very similar to my symptoms..." Eventually, I went to the hospital and they didn't diagnose me with anything specific, but they gave me a shot and referred me to see a neurologist.

In the midst of all this, I was receiving many prayers from my wonderful friends and family. Each and every time someone laid hands on me and prayed I believed for my healing. I opened my hands fully expectant to receive it. But each and every time, I walked away in the same pain. I never doubted. I knew the Lord could and would heal me. I was just waiting on Him.

Still, waiting has turned into "Okay, God...anytime now." I tried my hardest to be strong and not feel sorry for myself. I inevitably broke down one day and cried out to God. I was angry at Him for not healing me. I began to ask, "What am I doing wrong? Maybe I need to repent and then God will heal me..." It didn't take long for me to feel the Holy Spirit gently correcting my flawed logic. I turned to the Bible and discovered what Jesus said about healing-

  "Your faith has made you well." 

Maybe faith is not saying "Jesus can heal me. Jesus can heal me. Jesus can heal me" over and over in my head. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."(Hebrews 11:1)

My favorite story from the Gospels is the one of the woman with the issue of blood. The bible says she had "a discharge of blood for twelve years, and had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse." Wow. Twelve years. One would think that this woman would have given up hope by then...but no.  ^"She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, 'If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.'"  

I pictured myself being that woman. On the dirty ground, desperate, reaching out. Thinking, "Just one touch...that's all I need." Not asking for some miraculous, supernatural event to happen. No fireworks, no magic words. Just one touch. I pictured myself just barely grazing the hem of Jesus' clothing, and shrinking back in the chaos of the crowd. But what's amazing is Jesus doesn't let me get lost in the waves of people. He stops, He turns, and He asks for me. The one who touched Him. He tenderly kneels down to my level, meets my gaze, and responds to my touch, "Daughter, be of good comfort. Your faith has made you whole. Go in peace."

Before, I had always prayed for God to touch me. I prayed for His healing hand to reach down and fix me. Maybe, just maybe, God wants us to know we can find our healing when we reach up and touch Him.  He is more than accessible than us. He wants us to reach up to Him. He longs for us to do more than wait for healing. He wants us to seek Him for it.  In this two-way relationship, God longs to be sought after.

So thats what I did. I reached up to my Father, the one who calls Himself my healer, my physician, and trusted that I would be healed by one simple touch, and I feel a million times better. 

-Sammie Marie